Hold Me Now
by sunny-hiccup
Summary: James has nightmares that keep him awake. One nightmare in particular. In the end he always has to check and be sure. Be sure she is safe. Always. Written for lest-we-forget-the-nargles on tumblr. For Jily Secret Santa 2012.


To: lest-we-forget-the-nargles

From: sheisthewallflower

Jliy Secret Santa 2012

_**Hold Me Now**_

James woke up gasping, his shirt pressed to his chest with sweat.

"Just a dream." He muttered, working to control his breathing. "Just a dream." But the image of Lily, broken and mangled was imprinted on to his brain.

He had to check. He always had to check. Just to be sure.

These nightmares had plagued him for weeks, ever since the attack that had happened on her birthday that summer. So many people had gotten hurt and gone missing, he couldn't imagine what he would have done if Sirius hadn't warded off that Death Eater while James had been preoccupied. By something stupid. Himself.

Now, ever since then, he imagines Lily in the utmost peril, dying when he couldn't protect her.

It seemed like all he could think of.

Lily. Lily. Lily.

That's what it had always been.

Lily. Lily. Lily.

Keep her safe. Keep her close.

James threw his covers aside, his feet landing on the cold floor.

His body shook as he walked towards the bathroom. His dorm was next to Lily's, connected by a bathroom. When the year began Lily had devised a schedule, which was eventually tossed to the wayside.

He looked at himself in the mirror. Pale, sweaty… he looked sick.

Groaning, he splashed water on his face to snap himself out of it. His glassed were next, gifting him with the gift of sight.

Finally he felt calm enough to check on Lily without barging in and scaring her half to death.

He did that last time.

Slowly he opened the door and peered in the room.

Her light was on. Clearly she had fallen asleep reading again, something Lily did a lot.

He smiled slightly, running his hand through his already messy and sweaty hair. Her red hair spread out behind her, covers draped over her waist, book dangling from her fingers.

To James she was a vision. His wildest dream.

James made his way over to her bed, not wanting to head back to his own room or the empty common room they shared.

Though he knew, since the dream would keep him from sleep, he could have gotten some much needed work done. Maybe help Lily out a bit by doing some of the mountain of head work she wanted to have done by Christmas.

But he wanted to be with her.

Gingerly he sat on the edge of her bed and slipped the book from between her fingers, making her place.

Her hand curled back in on itself as he set the book aside.

The light gave her face a soft glow, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheekbones.

James memorized by her, pushed her hair away from her forehead. He did it again, relishing the feel of his hair between his fingers.

Lily stirred, making a small noise in her sleep. James smiled lightly.

Watching her sleep wasn't creepy right? That is what boyfriends did? Right?

Lily had watched him sleep before. She said he drooled.

Sighing internally, James stood. He knew now, confident, that she was safe.

She always was safe. It was Hogwarts.

When he reached the bathroom door he heard the covers rustle.

"James?" Lily's sleepy voice called out to him. James turned his head.

And where had those sneaking skills gone?

"James?" he covers rustled again as she pulled them back.

"Hey Lils." He said sheepishly.

She looked at him through sleepy eyes. "What's wrong? You look like hell." She got out of her bed ans walked towards him.

"Nothing." He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pajamas.

"Nothing? Are you serious? Your sweating and look like your about to pass out. What's wrong?" she was in front of him, worry lines creasing her forehead.

James looked at the floor.

"James Potter. You know you can't keep anything form me." Lily touched his arms lightly, rubbing them. "Your freezing."

"I had it again." he said softly, finding her green eyes.

"What?" Lily moved closer.

"The dream. The one I've had since your birthday."

"Oh James." Lily knew all about the nightmares. He always told her, ever since the first time she had caught him checking her.

Now she drew him towards her and wrapped her arms around him.

'What was I this time?" she asked. Her chin tipping onto his shoulder.

James buried his head in her neck, taking in the soft, sleepy, floral sent of Lily. "The same.' He mumbled.

He felt Lily smile sadly. "James you have to trust that I'll be ok. I can take care of myself." She released him to look at him, arms still around him.

"But Lily, I need…"

"James, I know you feel like you need to protect me. I feel the same about you. We can protect ourselves and each other." She said softly, stroking some of his messy hair back.

"But what if something happens to you? And I wasn't there? I'd never forgive myself."

Lily looked at him tenderly. "Nothing will happen o me."

"Promise?"

"Promise." she smiled and kissed him softly. "Now come on. Stay with me for awhile. I'll even read to you. Mr. Darcy's social awkwardness is enough to snap anyone out of anything."

She pulled him towards her bed. There, normally Lily would lie on James chest. Now she let him use hers a pillow. His arm slid over her waist, picking at the blanket.

The first time she let him stay with her all night was when his dad died. She let him stare stoically at the wall of his bedroom, face pressed to her shoulder, while her hands ran through her hair.

He watched as she picked her book off the bedside table, an old and battered copy of _Pride and Prejudice. _

"Where were we last?" she asked, chin against his forehead.

"Chapter 8." He answered

"Ok, here we go."

**.**

**.**

**.**

"… could not be prevailed to join."

James yawned, adjusting his head on Lily's shoulder. They had long pulled the over themselves and James felt sleep taking him.

"Tired?" Lily asked softly.  
"No keep going."

Lily chuckled and continued.

But as James succumbed to sleep, he felt her kiss his forehead before laying the book beside her bed and turning off the light.


End file.
